Joe Chilco
9
the-graveyard-of-hopes-and-dreams
other-things-i-did-and-im-not-ashamed-to-admit

Say Goodnight, Gracie

Say Goodnight, Gracie

What Joe did for love

Heeeerrre’s Johnny!
Where’s Joe?

Nicholls and Vickers were already the head writers for “The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson” when I arrived in LA. I knew them from Toronto – we had all worked on “Check It Out!” during its run and on a radio comedy program that is rumored to have been called “The Alleged Report”…currently an unsubstantiated claim pending further investigation. – writing jokes. They were kind enough to offer me the opportunity to submit material for consideration. The feedback was that I was in the running; the material was well received. Not long after I didn’t get hired, Johnny announced his retirement. Had I been hired, it would’ve been the last season of that iconic show. The trend continues.

Here are some of the jokes I submitted (the ones I still like):

The FAA thinks people over 60 shouldn’t be flying planes and I agree. People that age are better left to less arduous tasks like running the country.

I heard the tax boys are running a legal bordello they seized for unpaid taxes, but do you think it’s possible to enjoy getting screwed by the IRS?

Congress will appease smokers and non-smokers by allowing public puffing but banning exhaling.

Bowing to public pressure, PBS will agree to air televised executions as part of its, “Learning About Electricity” series.

A Seniors Only development will be wiped out when defective Genie garage openers cause Craftmatic beds to crush their owners.

An unexplained rash of windshield smashing will occur two days after a cement truck collides with one carrying oat bran just outside of a bird sanctuary.

A USA Today article says ideally women should have 9 lovers before they marry and men should have 16, which means that guys have to lie twice as much.

A new study says elderly coffee drinkers are more sexually active, which proves that coffee really does keep you up at night.

    Say hello to Joe





    Blanket Apology & Disclaimer

    I feel it is always prudent when encountering others for the first time to apologize in advance for anything I might say, write, claim to have done, or carry in my pockets that can in any way be considered insensitive, offensive, profane, in contravention of common moral standards of decency, and/or “just not done”, including but not limited to, shameless name-dropping and anecdotes not suitable for polite company.

    I’m not saying I’m not going to do that, I’m just saying please accept my most heartfelt sincere apology – right up front.

    The author makes no representations or warranties. Further, the author denies all claims. Isn’t that what a “disclaimer” does?

    Notwithstanding the foregoing, nothing herein shall be deemed to be an admission of any fact, and all rights, remedies, and defenses, now known or hereinafter devised, in perpetuity, throughout the universe, are hereby expressly reserved.

    Swansong's Last Supper T.V. Dinner

    MUSIC: GREGORIAN CHANT UP AND FADE

    BROTHER THEODORE
    (confiding)

    You know, when I'm servin' the Lord, I've got no time to serve dinner! That's why I rejoiced when Swansong's manifested this – Swansong’s Last Supper T.V. Dinner. Oh, 'tis truly a blessing! You just take it from the freezer and cast it to the fires of Hell! And in twenty minutes, you've got a divine dinner with a heavenly aroma you'd walk the waters for! It comes in three sizes: Feast 'O Plenty pack, the Disciple Dinner and the Holy Ghost Party Barrel! So next time you're servin' the multitudes, be a heavenly host with Swansong's Last Supper T.V. Dinner and resurrect your family's taste!

    MUSIC: GREGORIAN CHANT UP AND FADE

    FADE TO BLACK

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